RACHEL’S TIMING WAS TERRIBLE…

…one moment, she’d accidentally bumped a surprised steer with her mail car and the next she was face-first in a cow manure car wash.

Rachel was delivering mail in a quiet, rural neighborhood on a warm and sunny spring day when she spotted a loose steer in the road. On her route, that’s no big deal. Much of the time wandering livestock will shy away from a slow-moving vehicle. It’s something a driver can, mostly, count on.

In this case, Rachel had just pulled away from a mailbox when the steer in front of her zigged while she zagged. She bumped the frightened animal on the left shoulder, spinning him 180 degrees.

 Still, no big deal. However, cattle, when frightened or stressed can run or, infrequently, fight. Once in a while they’ll lose bowel control.

In this case, one moment Rachel accidentally bumped a surprised animal. The next instant, she rolled within range of the emissions end on that same critter and was sprayed with a high-pressure stream of fresh liquid fertilizer…through the open window.

It covered her, the interior of the car and the mail. Most folks carry a few items in their vehicles for different emergencies. But, can you cram enough fast-food napkins in your glove box to clean up such a high-volume cow manure facial?

Well, Rachel wasn’t prepared either. She stopped to wash up at the next two houses on her route. There was no one home.

Being a resourceful woman, she pulled to the side of the road, rummaged around in her car until she found old paper cup. Then she climbed into a running irrigation ditch and washed off the big chunks.

For days after this incident, Rachel’s boss, the local Postmaster, handled numerous complaints about mail smelling, well, like cow crap. In each case, the irate person walked into the Post Office with a grim look on their face as they prepared to tell someone exactly what they thought of their mail’s new manure-y, ‘Eau du Poo Parfum’.

Without fail, the same individual left laughing hysterically after listening to this story.

Sometimes, during life’s downturns, it’s difficult to find anything positive about a nasty experience. After much pondering, Rachel found one important silver lining to her miserable day…she didn’t have her mouth open when it happened.

AUTHOR’S NOTE…you might want to sniff your mail first before you pick it up. Your mail carrier will understand if you share this story.

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